"YOUR MONEY TO US, YOU WILL GIVE."
- Steven Joel Kerzner
DISCLAIMER: What follows is a mixture of fact, speculation & satire therefore “ALLEGEDLY” prefaces & applies to all posts. Updated April 11, 2019.
QUESTION ONE: WHY DO THEY NEED OUR CASH?
Shitty Steven (Steven Joel Kerzner) worked in the TV industry for decades. When he first introduced Ed the Sock on Newton Cable in 1987, he was already Newton's Director of Programming & Production. He made decent money.
When Rogers bought Newton in 1993, he was suddenly at a much larger company and could put his sock puppet in front of a much larger audience. He parlayed his Rogers gig into the lucrative late night show Ed's Night Party on CHUM/City-TV, running it on a micro budget for well over a decade until it was finally canceled in August, 2008. This show is what put Ed the Sock in the public eye, and Shitty Steven spun him off into other Ed series and specials as well as frequent appearances on MuchMusic. In a brazen, Donald Trump-level display of nepotism he even brought his girlfriend-then-wife Liana in on the action, despite the rather obvious handicap of her complete lack of experience or education in television or film. A first year college dropout, Shitty Liana took to suckling from the teats of this taxpayer and network funded cash cow with as much gusto as her husband.
I'll be going into more detail in a future article about how the Kerzners produced and profited from their shows, but for now suffice it to say....... THEY MADE MONEY.
Shitty Steven was creator/executive producer/writer/star/director of his own long running show, plus collected salary for his other work at CHUM, City-TV and MuchMusic. As his co-producer, co-writer and later on even his co-host, Shitty Liana was getting paid on top of that, making sure the Kerzner household was squeezing every possible penny from this valuable opportunity. Between them they made a boatload of cash off their Ed the Sock series alone.
On top of that they made money on the side for live appearances and even some Ed and Night Party merch, like comics and calendars (Liana modeled for a while). Steven worked on other TV programs as a director and producer, and the series BUZZ, which began on Rogers in the mid-1990s and moved to the Comedy Network from 2000-2005 was even based off his concept. To put "based off a concept by" in layman's terms, it means that for years, without even having to work on that show, Steven Joel Kerzner was sent royalty cheques for the use of this "concept", even for reruns.
Still, Ed the Sock was their bread and butter and with that tit joke cracking asshole sock puppet alone Shitty Steven and Shitty Liana have made very good money for DECADES between them.
They also have considerable assets which easily could have funded their projects. They own their own home as well as the Kerzner MediArts business, and Liana has a mountain of collectibles.
Liana has indeed been collecting for more than 20 years now. Back before they had to play poor to justify their various crowdfunding schemes, she used to love showing off her enormous, valuable collection:
So we can safely say the Kerzners' income was good and steady, that they had banked a lot of money, and that they had considerable assets...... But maybe they had a lot of expenses?
Nope. THEY HAD FEW EXPENSES related to their business. Over the years they have received lucrative grants from the government, and major networks have provided them not just with cash but also with the crews and studio space they needed to make their shows. Whatever additional cast and crew they did have to pay from their own pockets were paid with very small "honorariums" and some have revealed they did not get paid at all. (Again, more on this in a future post but the Kerzners have a nasty reputation for stiffing people.)
The logical conclusion would be that, with lots of steady income for them both for many years and no significant business expenses, the Shitty Kerzners should have a nice big pile of cash in the bank, right?
So then why to they need to beg us for money for their projects across multiple fundraising platforms?
Maybe the years since Ed's Night Party ended have been very lean? When launching his pleas for funds, Shitty Steven tried to frame it as necessary to bankroll Ed's "comeback." But this is not accurate.
It is true they were fired from City/MuchMusic (they didn't leave as they sometimes claim) with the cancellation of Ed's Night Party (later renamed Ed & Red's Night Party when a certain black-hole-for-attention wife insisted on being on camera). When Bell purchased the network they wanted to appeal to a wider audience, and apparently thought broadcasting a show in which a foul-mouthed sock puppet screened wet T-shirt contest clips while yelling at the nearly nude young women he had dancing in go-go cages and hot tubs to "show us your tits!" might be hurting female viewership for some crazy reason.
But being fired (and unceremoniously shown the door by the countless smiling co-workers and network executives who were tired of their endless bullshit) does not mean the Shitty Kerzners retired, or took serious time off, or stopped making money. In fact they did everything they could to stay on the air and keep milking their one trick Ed schtick.
They had a feature film in development and two more TV series of their own, This Movie Sucks and I Hate Hollywood. When those projects failed they continued making guest appearances on others' TV shows, including a stint for Ed the Sock as "probable rapist" and accused obstructor of justice Frank D'Angelo's sidekick on the excruciatingly amateurish paid programming posing as a late night show Being Frank.
They were also generating revenue from old and new shows and clips they had posted online, plus continued sales of Ed the Sock merch.
Meanwhile Shitty Liana also declared herself some kind of feminist gaming philosopher queen, despite still being a first year college dropout with nothing on her resume other than the TV jobs her husband gifted her in that rather glaring and shameless display of Jaden and Willow Smith level nepotism. Nevertheless, she successfully parlayed the skills she learned on Night Party, namely shaking her barely covered boobs while not being funny, into completely unrelated paid work writing video game reviews and articles for various gaming sites. In that job she has acted with complete integrity...... just kidding, she admitted she inflated some undeserving games' ratings. She also branded herself "Liana K", having successfully deluded herself into believing that her brief stint as her husband's terrible co-host made her some sort of celebrity.
Steven/Ed and Liana K also booked live speaking and guest appearances, and became deeply involved in the con, cosplay and steampunk scenes, even creating FutureCon which Liana chaired until it imploded in spectacular fashion. They have been involved with TCON, Polaris, the Constellation and Aurora Awards and other ventures.
For two years the Shitty Kerzners also produced and hosted their own conservative radio show on CFRB Newstalk 1010.
Steven was even handed a lucrative CBC TV gig as a producer and writer, working for his old MuchMusic friend George Stroumboulopoulos (Strombo) at The Hour, until he was once again shown the nearest exit.
In short, there is absolutely no reason why the Kerzners should need "comeback" cash. Despite the (Night) Party finally coming to an end, they both worked consistently, making good money with sub-micro-budget business expenses.
To be blunt.......... IF THE KERZNERS WERE RESPONSIBLE WITH THEIR MONEY, THEY COULD EASILY AFFORD EVERYTHING THEY NEED FOR THEIR "COMEBACK"........
AND IF THEY BLEW THEIR ED THE SOCK MONEY ON PERSONAL LUXURIES AND EXPENSES....... WHY SHOULD WE BE GIVING THEM MORE?
The Kerzners obviously feel they are entitled to our money, because after all their years on TV making a comfortable living off of networks and the government they apparently feel no shame holding out their hats and saying "more please!" to the public directly.
Perhaps it's because their continuing efforts to get back on the air have failed, with every network consistently saying what in polite and diplomatic terms amounts to "GTFO!" There are many reasons why, mostly relating to the terrible reputations they've developed in the industry, but whatever the reason is the Kerzners have found themselves with very limited options. They could retire or get real jobs like regular people - which would obviously be unthinkable to two attention starved narcissists still living with delusions of stardom - or they could just create their own "network" and raise their own funds.
And oh my shit have they ever raised funds! Which brings us to...........
Jump to any page:
1. Why they need our money: https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/question-one-why-do-the-kerzners-need-to-beg-for-our-money
2. How much they took from donors: https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/question-two-how-much-money-have-the-kerzners-collected
3. How they spent it: https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/question-three-what-are-the-kerzners-spending-our-money-on
4. What donors got: https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/question-four-have-the-kerzners-kept-their-promises-to-backers
5. BONUS: The Kerzners' excuses: https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/bonus-question-do-the-kerzners-have-a-good-excuse
6. UPDATE: They respond (kind of): https://edthesuck.wixsite.com/parody/post/update-steven-joel-kerzner-liana-kerzner-s-reactions-to-my-crowdfunding-article
T: EdtheSuck
Oh my gosh @this
IF YOU HAVE MONEY DON'T ASK PEOPLE FOR A HANDOUT FOR MORE!
Rich and entitles, have money and own all that stuff but still take advantage of people willing to help who donate money to them? Steve and Liana Kerzner probably laughed all the way to the bank. Disgusting and even criminal behaviour. I read these articles and passed them on to friends who know them!